It's been a bit rough around here of late. I didn't even blog about Emiline's 4 month stats because she stopped sleeping through the night...she's 50-50-75 for percentiles. Although I don't remember which she's 75 for...
Sleep deprivation is all well and good when your babe is a newborn, you are expecting it. You're hunkered down and not expecting to add anything else to your life, just get through it. But once they start sleeping through, life begins to open up again. Or you think it will. So maybe I jinxed myself. I should just plan on not sleeping for the first nine months, right? boo.
Anywho, I've become something of a time miser. Usually I love to donate my time to helping so and so with whatever, which includes helping my husband with random school things. But these days I'm a bit like. "Nuhh-uhh! That be my time! Getch yo' hands of my time!"
I have an MRI tomorrow. Maybe, just maybe, we'll find something and there will be a possible end in sight for low back pain. I told Eric last night that I was sorry that I wasn't the wife he married. He laughed at me because he's awesome like that (btw, Jane said awesome the other day. It was, of course, awesome). But it's true. I feel very different. My energy is so depleted and the list of things I used to accomplish in a day now takes me a week or more to do. And let's not even talk about the crazy that is me and my moods. Mostly I save all that for Eric. Poor man bears the brunt of my swinging emotions. Blah, blah, blah. Point is, I'm in a weird place over this whole MRI thing. I met with the neurologist today and actually really liked him and it all went really well, better than I expect of doctors at any rate. I was really nervous for it and so was kind of a case yesterday.
and Emiline just started crying which means good-bye Marcee. Hello Mommy. Sigh.
Eric will be home late every night this week. Double Sigh.
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tell you the story of who i am ~ so many stories of where I've been and how i got to where i am but these stories don't mean anything when you've got no one to tell them to it's true
4 comments:
Silly! Of course you're not the woman he married! He (the gainfully employed man) married a single, college student who had nothing better to do than volunteer to help people in need when she had extra time.
Now you're a wife (of a law student), mother of two little (needy) ones with barely enough time to meet family needs, no extra time. Such a huge difference!
That's the beauty of it. We evolve. We move through (and with) time. We don't stand still while time moves around us. Those are the kind of people we get bored with.
But the reasons he married you are still there; trust me.
Just think about the fact that he is not the same man you married. But you still love him, maybe more.
I'm sorry to hear that she's not sleeping. I think that is the worst thing about being a mother-lack of sleep. It's probably the thing I'm most nervous about with this little one coming. I hope they do figure out what's going on with your back. Good luck!
I'm sorry things are rough! In a way, it's good to know that other mums sometimes feel the same way I do and that it doesn't make me a "bad" mom to sometimes be tired or worn out or just REALLY need a break! Being a mom IS rough!
Hang in there, you are awesome and it may sound trite, but you don't have to do it alone, your in partnership with God! I gave a lesson recently from one of the messages in the Spring General Conference about Mother's Teaching in the Home and this reminded me of it. I also hope that you have some equally "un-rough" days to make up for the really really exhausting ones.
I also hope they find out what is going on with your back. I know for me, when I don't feel well physically I swear I just shut down. Good luck and know that there are a lot of people who care about you, even out in blog land....
I'm giving you hugs from California! Seriously, I totally understand those sleep deprived days and days when Daddy is working late. Good thing we married such great men who support us. :) Hang in there my friend!
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