Wading in Slowly and Taking the Plunge

We've been doing a bit of potty training here and there for about a week now. Jane's idea. Well, she started asking to wear panties. We now have 5 gold star stickers on her potty symbolizing her successes. I'll hopefully post more later on all that. We are taking it slow and not really pushing it yet.

We are however plunging forward with letting the girls share a room... I'm not convinced now is the time and I have no idea how this will all go, but they are both in the kids room right now, at this very moment, as I type, NOW. Just before naptime we set up the crib and Jane seemed fine with the idea it was for Emiline until I put the mattress in. Then she insisted it was hers. I did my best to remind her she wasn't a baby and pointed out the cool things big kids do, like having treats. Yes, I headed off a tantrum with a dum-dum. But it was logical and made a point! I also let her have one of Emiline's binkies for a little bit so she could indulge in pretending she was a baby (she doesn't even know how to use the thing...). I think it worked rather well. So far. Knock on wood. I've been telling Jane she will get to share a room with her sister just like Charlie and Lola and she seems to like the idea.

I'll keep you all posted in how this all turns out (crossing every crossable appendage now)

Better

If I kiss you where you're sore,
if I kiss you where you're sore,
will you feel better? better? better?
Will you feel anything at all?

If I believed in those music players on blogs (or knew how to put one on...;-), you'd be hearing Regina Spektor's Better right now (the lyrics written above).

Things are a lot better the last couple of days. Not really sure why. The girls are feeling a bit better, Emiline is sleeping a bit better, I'm hurting a bit more but somehow all that adds up to a lot better. Could it be because I spent 4+ hours painting and crafting for my niece's birthday party this weekend??? Probably. I don't think it's the weather, but that has been really nice. Emiline loves it.


Here's the thing, the thing that I keep forgetting:
If mommy ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
I keep forgetting to "nourish" myself (yes that sounds hokey) in the ways that really matter for me. I've had to make going to the gym a priority for my health and then there is the endless list of house stuff that has to be done. And then the basic basics of caring for my two girls

and on occasion me. It's really easy to let those really key things fall threw the cracks until I'm feeling crazy. And sometimes you have to do something that doesn't make sense-like going to a late movie (with money you borrowed from somewhere else in the budget) with a friend and laughing your head off and then staying up too late. Then Emiline had a bad night so I got like 3 hours of sleep (btw, this was the night of the last post)...and yet, I felt pretty good on Wednesday, even though I had a very noisy MRI (I get the results on Friday). Tired, but good. Sometimes making the "smart" choice isn't so smart, right? It's just so hard to know.

I usually think that if I can just pray, read my scriptures, and be healthy (exercise, eat right, etc) every day that I will be happy and at peace. But I have found that just focusing on doing those things actually makes less happy and more mechanical (because I'm not perfect and don't do them everyday. But IF I did do them everyday, maybe I would be at peace?). In the meantime, I need to do those things that add color and brilliance to my life, for me. Painting is one of those things, apparently. So is laughing and connecting with a good friend every week. Or climbing a tree.


It's so easy to turn to distraction and sugar to ease the pain: i.e. Hulu and dark chocolate covered pretzels. I've decided to try very hard to make my "downtime" more "uptime." Or doing things that bring me up and the word I keep coming back to is brilliant, like when you get the saturation on a photo just right.

Like, when Emiline woke up Tuesday night and coughed every 2 minutes for an hour. If I hadn't gone out with my friend, I would probably have been frustrated and only full of obligation. Instead, I actually relished cuddling her and soothing all her pathetic whimpers so she could sleep. It was a sweet, brilliant moment.

And tonight as I put Jane down I was completely exhausted with various aches and body complaints. She did nothing especially cute or sweet or anything. But I was there, saturated in the moment and I just enjoyed her usual antics and felt so full of quiet joy singing her a lullaby and kissing her good night.

I just need to find what's sore and kiss it better, I guess.
and throw leaves.

Rough

It's been a bit rough around here of late. I didn't even blog about Emiline's 4 month stats because she stopped sleeping through the night...she's 50-50-75 for percentiles. Although I don't remember which she's 75 for...
Sleep deprivation is all well and good when your babe is a newborn, you are expecting it. You're hunkered down and not expecting to add anything else to your life, just get through it. But once they start sleeping through, life begins to open up again. Or you think it will. So maybe I jinxed myself. I should just plan on not sleeping for the first nine months, right? boo.

Anywho, I've become something of a time miser. Usually I love to donate my time to helping so and so with whatever, which includes helping my husband with random school things. But these days I'm a bit like. "Nuhh-uhh! That be my time! Getch yo' hands of my time!"

I have an MRI tomorrow. Maybe, just maybe, we'll find something and there will be a possible end in sight for low back pain. I told Eric last night that I was sorry that I wasn't the wife he married. He laughed at me because he's awesome like that (btw, Jane said awesome the other day. It was, of course, awesome). But it's true. I feel very different. My energy is so depleted and the list of things I used to accomplish in a day now takes me a week or more to do. And let's not even talk about the crazy that is me and my moods. Mostly I save all that for Eric. Poor man bears the brunt of my swinging emotions. Blah, blah, blah. Point is, I'm in a weird place over this whole MRI thing. I met with the neurologist today and actually really liked him and it all went really well, better than I expect of doctors at any rate. I was really nervous for it and so was kind of a case yesterday.

and Emiline just started crying which means good-bye Marcee. Hello Mommy. Sigh.

Eric will be home late every night this week. Double Sigh.

Please Don't Leave a Message

Yesterday we were waiting for Daddy. You know, white-knuckle waiting. It had been one of those days, even for Jane. We even went outside on the "lawn" of our apartment so we would see Daddy that much sooner. Eric said he'd be home at 6:30. When he wasn't home at 6:29, we called him. I put it on speaker and as it rang Jane said, "Daddy, please don't leave a message!" She REALLY wanted to talk to her Daddy. When he picked up she said "Daddy, where are you? Are you on the bus?" Then when she saw him walking to us from across the parking lot she got super excited, walked to the end of the sidewalk jumping and shouting, arms out: "I need my Daddy!" Ditto, kid.

Happy is the New Boogers

puffy eyed Jane this morning sans boogers

We've been MIA. Last Wednesday was Emiline's 4 month appt. Shots made her quite sad for a few days. And nights. Which made Mom sad too, or rather tired. Not only did she wake up 3x a night, but she took 45 minutes or more to settle back down. Jane began a runny nose last week, too. Which turned into goopy eyes and a fever by Friday and thus a doctor's visit yesterday. Double pink eye and a double ear infection. Man, I'm glad for antibiotics. I'm not looking forward to a whole winter of ear infections, however. And I'm hoping and praying Emiline doesn't get any of it, although she woke up last night with some congestion so I let her sleep from 3:30 on in her swing. We've decided we need to get serious about preparing Emiline to share rooms with Jane. Right now, Emiline has little ability to self soothe herself back to sleep, thus all the night wakings. So I've formulated a plan for that (I blame it all on the binky...and the fact that I'm so spineless and can't stand her cry, it's so piercing!) and hopefully we'll have them sharing soon!

Now the reason behind the hilarious title:
Jane, now that she is sick and covered in boogers, is no longer interested in them. She's sad a lot of the day because she feels so crappy. She is no preoccupied with being happy. She'll tell me with tears in her eyes just two seconds after she's been wailing about something: "Mom, I not sad. I happy!" She'll also tell me and Emiline that we aren't sad either. It's pretty cute. Thus, Happy is the New Boogers.




And here's a short update on my 4 month old (man I love this age so much more than newborn!) She's finally started to show more interest in toys, a blessing and a curse. At the moment, Emiline gets super frustrated with her toys and her "playing" doesn't seem all that fun, for both of us. In particular, there is a shiny butterfly under a plastic dome on the saucer that makes her cry every time. She can't get it and gets so frustrated we have to take her out. I've even taken to covering it with a burp cloth and it helps her play a bit longer. Until it falls off. She's also nailed herself in the head a few times with rattles as she was shaking them so vigorously. I don't remember this stage with Jane, if it happened or not.

Conference was a different experience with two babies, especially with one of them sick. One was pretty much crying the whole time and didn't really nap during sessions, darn it.



But we had fun anyway. It's been really a treat to see sister love bloom already. Jane loves to help and play with Emiline and Emiline doesn't like to be awake without her sister, they are both much easier these days when they are both awake.

What You've All Been Waiting For

For the time being, I'm going to try and just post to blogger because I already know blogger and I found a hack for posting in chronological order that I'm hoping will work. You can find the first post at http://comewhatmay-thenovel.blogspot.com/
sometime tonight. Kids are finally in bed and they've been especially fun today so we may not start out with much of a bang, but at least we are starting, right?

Now that we've got that all out of the way, we can return to your regularly scheduled "look how cute my kiddos are" fest.

We Have a Winner!

Well, really there are several. But the main two are....dun, dun, dun, duuun:
Holly and Debbie
To keep it mysterious, I won't tell you which of Holly's Debbie's summaries I'll be mixing.

I've decided to combine several of your plot summaries. And in gratitude for all of your contributions, you will all have at least one shout out based on your contribution. For example, there will be:
an IT guy named Isaac
some fleeing south of the border
a pet named Satu who may or may not have magical powers
a probation officer named Annie
an Aunt Alice
and small town shell shock

You all rock! Now, send me your addresses if you want your goodies!
anonaly (at) gmail (dot) com

I told myself that I would not make myself commit to anything until Emiline was 4 months old. That will be tomorrow. So you can expect something to read and a place to read it (I'm still trying to figure out the best venue for posting, thoughts anyone?) tomorrow! Yikes!

Now I understand why my mom cried when I cut my little sister's hair.

Monroe women have kind of been known for their long, thick hair. How do I know this? When I chopped all mine off to just a few inches long in college (and dyed it purple) people from my home ward took it as a sign of filial rebellion. Several people even said things like "it's just not like a Monroe to have short hair." My mom cried when she saw it. I liked it. I thought it was spunky and fun. Since then, I've been a threat to my mother's desires to have daughters with long hair. Well, and when I cut my youngest sister's hair. More tears by mom, but a satisfied sister. My mom made me swear that I wouldn't cut any of her children's hair ever. I took the oath and then she said in bewilderment, "why don't you like long hair?" I never understood her passion and her tears. Until Wednesday.

Eric and I decided to get Jane's hair cut again and even it out. It wasn't really looking bad, but it was really wispy in places and would get snarled so easily I thought it might help. And I had a GREAT coupon for JCPenny's (no sitting fees! and 3.99 sheets!) so we were going to do family pictures (I knew if we didn't do it now at the beginning of the semester, I'd have no chance until after Christmas). After waffling a bit, I decided to get her hair cut before pictures so her two year old pics would be with her new hair instead of with her baby hair.

I should have read the signs better. There were a series of meltdowns before we even got to the haircut place. Jane was supposedly excited about getting her haircut. I'd told her the day before (which is key to getting things done with my lady) but when we got there, she melted at having to sit in the chair. So the stylist did a super fast job bobbing it and when she, with a flick of her scissors, chopped off all Jane's baby hair, I almost cried. It hurt! I looked at it on the floor and immediately regretted my decision. And when I saw the result, well, I didn't cry. But I wanted to. It looked a bit like a long bowl cut and all I could see was her striking resemblance to some Ludlow boys at her age (her dad and uncle, her cousin Jason). Eric thought it looked fine, by the way.

Now, these pictures are the best it has looked and took me great pains and tremendous effort to make it look this way, especially since My Lady is afraid of both the curling iron and the blow dryer. And to be honest, I don't mind it here. It's even starting to grow on me.

This picture gives you an idea of how the shoot really went...lots of tears from both girls. *sigh*
But we did get some good shots. Or good enough ;-)

Lots of Changes

Yesterday Jane told me she wanted to wear panties. The conversation went like this:
Me: Jane, let's change your bum.
Jane: I don't want to.
Me: We have to change your bum before we can eat breakfast. Do you want to eat breakfast?
Jane: Breakfast? Ummm, OK.
Me: Come here so I can change your bum.
Jane: No! No, No, No, No, No Mommy! Jane d-d-d-d-d-doesn't want to. (she's started stuttering lately)
Me: Jane, that sounds yucky! Talk nice please. (I say this a million times a day)
Jane: Pretty, pretty please!
Me: Say, "No thank you Mommy, I don't want to."
Jane: S-s-s-say no thank you Mommy, I don't want to change a bum.
Me: Oh that was very nice! Thank you Jane! Now I know you don't want to change your bum, but sometimes we have to do things we don't want to.
Jane: Mouse diaper? (Huggies have Micky Mouse. Emiline and Joey both have huggies right now, so Jane wants them to, she has Target brand or polka-dot diapers).
Me: We don't have mouse diapers for Jane.
Jane: Panties?

And in my brain I thought! Yay! Jane is wanting to potty train! Let's go for it! Woo Hoo! When, in actuality, she just wanted to NOT where a diaper.

But we took a whirl at potty training anyway and four wet pairs of elmo panties later with no successes, a missed nap (Jane's...and mine), and a tired, ornery mom I found myself dismantling Jane's crib. (She peed on her sheets, too, by the way). I didn't plan it and it wasn't like I didn't have other household jobs calling, nay SHOUTING, my name, but I just felt like I needed to push Jane along somehow into transitioning into being Big, that I needed to expect this of her. She's been going through this thing again where she wants me to carry her everywhere, but only when I'm holding the baby, I thought we had that licked. And the defiance and the whine were really ramping up again (although, she's ages better than she was pre-Zyrtec. Did I mention that the Doc put Jane on a nightly dose of Zyrtec for suspected allergies and she has been a different kid since?) And obviously potty training that day was a bust. And we need the crib for Emiline soon.

Then I went about finishing the bed rail that I had bought supplies for back in March. And, get this, Jane is scared of most loud appliance noises: blender, popcorn popper, hair dryer, vacuum (although we had a vacuum breakthrough the other day), but what does she do when she hears the jig saw or the drill power up? Comes running into the room and shouts "building!" She had a ball helping me unscrew the crib.

So yeah, Jane transitioned into the big girl bed with no fanfare and no problems so far (one full night and one full nap...) knock on wood! In the past when we have said Jane is a "big girl" she'd reply, "No. I Jane" or sometimes "no, I little." Tonight she told us she was "big Jane." So it seems like Jane is beginning to embrace this growing up phase of her life just a little bit more.

Cross your fingers.

Stay tuned for my next post: Now I understand why my mom cried when I cut my little sister's hair.

growth spurt

I really ought to have a picture for this, but it's been one of those days/weeks. Emiline hit a growth spurt last week and was eating all the time (and only taking 30 minute naps). This morning I woke up and she had a double chin...! I swear, like overnight!