My sister took some pictures of me and my girls yesterday, just in time to put together some cards for Father's Day, something I can do one-handed while nursing, (although not in time to mail them...but you know, I'm just doing what I can these days with no guilt and only a little second guessing!)
This one is for my dad.
We had a special relationship growing up, in a good way, not "special" as in challenging or anything like that. For whatever reason, I was his little darling. It started when I was a baby and I would only let dad calm me, apparently Mom was just there for the milk. I think that probably stroked his ego so much that it also carved out a larger place in his heart or something. It's been hard, but I guess inevitable, to see our relationship change so much with my marriage. And it's been fun to see it grow again as I watch him be Grandpa to my girls. I can't wait for Jane to "climb the mountain" with Grandpa!
This one is for Eric's dad.
I don't know Eric's dad as well as I'd like, but what I do know well, I love. Probably my favorite thing to observe is the way he plays games with his family, particularly with Eric. It's pretty fun to watch the influence Bill still has over Eric, even while playing games. A game of scum can show you how he's a great example of making what you can out of life and not complaining in the process. Or just complaining enough to be amusing to those around you ;-) The Ludlows have always been come-as-you-are-and-we'll-love-you-with-no-terms-attached, and Bill is very much the same way. They've taught me a lot about love and acceptance.
This one is for my Eric.
It's a joke, and true, that we celebrate holidays late during the school year. Our first Thanksgiving in law school was celebrated after his last final. Valentine's day was not the 14th, but when we could fit it in. Or we just ate chocolate and called it good. Mother's day was optional. He told me he'd feel really bad if I did something for him for Father's day because Mother's day this year didn't happen like he wanted it to. But I can't help at least blagging (blog-bragging) about him a bit. Since Emiline was born, Eric has been the full-time parent to Jane. I was a bit worried about how this would go down, for both parties, but it has been a beautiful thing. Today during church when Eric got up to sing with the double quartet, Jane started to cry and wail for her Daddy. She's grown quite attached to him and he's in love with his girl. There is such joy in sharing the cute, the goofy, the silly, and the not so cute things your children do with your husband. I'm so glad that Eric finds the same joy in sharing. He loves being a daddy. He's always so willing to help out and never feels like he's done enough or his share or anything. He's always willing to change a diaper without complaint. No kidding. Always. He helps me be a better mother with his support and love and confidence. It's been a joy to watch him try to live up to his own high standards of Fatherhood. And I know that he will do it, too.
Happy Father's Day everyone!
Sassy Jane
I think the first thing that ought to be done upon Jane's waking is a bum change or "change da bun" according to Jane. But she has other ideas. She prefers to try on shoes for at least 10 minutes, put on her necklaces and tromp up and down the hall. Here's Jane's usual morning garb.
Here are some other funny Jane-isms from the last few weeks.
We've tried a few things to pre-empt tantrums and cut short fits. One thing Eric says is "Don't freak out, use your words. Tell Daddy what you want." The other day Jane was talking to herself and trying to climb up on to our bed and was having some bedding difficulties. We heard her say to herself "don fweek up" then she stopped and looked thoughtful, "off. fweek off." She stopped again and then got it right. "out. don fweek out. DON FWEEK OUT!!" We were dying laughing and she got back to climbing.
Speaking of training, Jane has a nasty habit of saying "no" or her more yucky version "ehhn." We try to encourage her to "say no nice. say 'no thank you' or 'I don't like it,'" etc. For "ehhn" we point out that it's a yucky noise and to use her words, since "ehhn" has multiple meanings. I'm continually amazed at how much repetition it takes to teach certain things. And then I'm also amazed when it seems to finally stick. Again, the other day Jane was playing with something and for whatever reason said "ehhn." But then she said "no say ehhn, ehhn yucky noise" over and over a few times. I love ease dropping on her and listening to her constant narration of her life. At least most of the time. I do have headaches on occasion where silence is more appreciated...
Since newborns nurse ALL the time and FOREVER, I watched Dear John over the course of a few days (an OK movie). During one feeding, Jane was watching it with me on and off. One of the characters has dark, longish hair and a small beard and other facial hair. It was to this character that the hunky main character, who's strange name I can't remember, vents his frustration and says "Jesus!" Jane was playing with a puzzle but when she heard that name she looked up quickly, just in time to see a frame of a close up of the bearded man. Jane started shouting "Jesus! Jesus! Mommy, Jesus Movie!" She was quite excited. We've read stories about Jesus and looked at pictures of him, but no movies yet...
Speaking of pictures of Jesus, the other day we were in my brother's room. Since we've been at my parent's house, Jane has been sleeping in the crib in there. Attached to his sparse bulletin board was a picture of Jesus in the red robe. Jane said, "Jesus! Jesus jacket on. Red jacket. Time to go?" I thought she was just trying to get out of her nap, but she kept repeating. "Jacket on. Time to go!" And then came the real LOL moment: "Jesus get your shoes on!"
Here are some other funny Jane-isms from the last few weeks.
We've tried a few things to pre-empt tantrums and cut short fits. One thing Eric says is "Don't freak out, use your words. Tell Daddy what you want." The other day Jane was talking to herself and trying to climb up on to our bed and was having some bedding difficulties. We heard her say to herself "don fweek up" then she stopped and looked thoughtful, "off. fweek off." She stopped again and then got it right. "out. don fweek out. DON FWEEK OUT!!" We were dying laughing and she got back to climbing.
Speaking of training, Jane has a nasty habit of saying "no" or her more yucky version "ehhn." We try to encourage her to "say no nice. say 'no thank you' or 'I don't like it,'" etc. For "ehhn" we point out that it's a yucky noise and to use her words, since "ehhn" has multiple meanings. I'm continually amazed at how much repetition it takes to teach certain things. And then I'm also amazed when it seems to finally stick. Again, the other day Jane was playing with something and for whatever reason said "ehhn." But then she said "no say ehhn, ehhn yucky noise" over and over a few times. I love ease dropping on her and listening to her constant narration of her life. At least most of the time. I do have headaches on occasion where silence is more appreciated...
Since newborns nurse ALL the time and FOREVER, I watched Dear John over the course of a few days (an OK movie). During one feeding, Jane was watching it with me on and off. One of the characters has dark, longish hair and a small beard and other facial hair. It was to this character that the hunky main character, who's strange name I can't remember, vents his frustration and says "Jesus!" Jane was playing with a puzzle but when she heard that name she looked up quickly, just in time to see a frame of a close up of the bearded man. Jane started shouting "Jesus! Jesus! Mommy, Jesus Movie!" She was quite excited. We've read stories about Jesus and looked at pictures of him, but no movies yet...
Speaking of pictures of Jesus, the other day we were in my brother's room. Since we've been at my parent's house, Jane has been sleeping in the crib in there. Attached to his sparse bulletin board was a picture of Jesus in the red robe. Jane said, "Jesus! Jesus jacket on. Red jacket. Time to go?" I thought she was just trying to get out of her nap, but she kept repeating. "Jacket on. Time to go!" And then came the real LOL moment: "Jesus get your shoes on!"
Sleep
Emiline is a great little sleeper...during the day ;-) Mommy is a great sleeper...at night. I suck at sleeping during the day, which makes newborndom particularly difficult. Yesterday I tried for 2 hours to sleep...I just really struggle when it comes to shutting my brain off. That's why I can't complain too much that Jane struggles so much with naps.
I'm faking it in this picture btw. I was trying to sleep though.
Namaste!
So a friend gave Emiline this little outfit that for some reason looks so much more groovy when you put it on a newborn. While Jane was sleeping and Emiline was in a good mood yesterday, we did a two week old photo shoot- not that I have skills beyond point and shoot....
Notes from the First Week
Oh wait! I mean The First Two Weeks. Time more than flies and I've really been enjoying the chance I've had this time around to stop and smell my rose--It's great having a newborn when you aren't moving anywhere (man we were nuts!!)
So here are some things I've learned:
Baby #2 is SO much easier than #1 (this is of course assuming #1 is kept busy with lots of play dates... so I am just caring for #2). Now, Jane was an easy baby. But she was still a baby. And I was a novice. Emiline is thus far NOT an easy baby, and yet it's so much easier this time around (and not just because we're not moving). There's almost no learning curve, after reminding and remembering kicked in, the only thing I've had to figure out is Emiline. And that part has been really fun!
On Emiline:
She's spirited! She knows what she wants and she has limited patience. Her cry really only has two levels: loud and louder (or shrill and shriller). She has a pathetic sounding warning cry that's pretty soft and sweet, though. I keep getting the feeling that she's a bit frustrated being a newborn. She's very aware and alert pretty much whenever she is awake (or she's crying) and she thinks she knows how to hold her head up already and is always trying to keep it steady, she ends up looking like a bobble head doll. She's also a mommy's girl. She needs more touch and cuddling than Jane did. She will even scoot her way over to me in bed til she's right against me and snuggle right in. She really likes her hands including sucking on them. She likes to be swaddled but prefers her hands peeking out. As for taking a binkie- don't even think of giving one to her if she's upset, you have to calm her down first. And she does like music, the favorite right now is Sarah Lee Guthrie's Holdin' Back.
She had her 2 week appt today and she's 90th percentile for height and head and 75th for weight. She's back up to her birth weight so I can stop worrying about milk supply and everything.
Birth Story
First of all, I'm keeping this PG--it is a public blog, after all. That said, it is still a birth story so if you don't want to know the details, this is your notice to stop reading. But there's a super cute pic of Emiline at the bottom so scroll down and check that out.
Our darling Emiline was born almost a week late, 40 weeks and 6 days. I was really patient (like an angel!) until my due date had come and gone. Then I was a bear. For those of you who may have forgot or didn't know in the first place, I went a full 42 weeks with Jane. I'd had on and off labor with Jane starting at 37 weeks but still never went in to labor totally on my own (we did a midwife's "induction"). This time, I was really hoping not to go too late and I had wanted to go into labor spontaneously. I had an appointment with my midwife on Thursday afternoon (the 27th) and found out I was STILL at 3 centimeters, but my cervix was even more ready, "like butter." "You are really ready to go, you just need a little push" said Karen the English midwife (I love having midwives with a hint of accent, by the way. One of Jane's was from Germany.) Karen thought maybe just spicy food would be enough to do it. I asked her about trying some old tricks from with Jane (because lets face it, I was DONE being pregnant) and she said to go for it.
So I called my mom and Eric and set up a plan. I was going to take 4 oz of caster oil, then Eric and I would head to Chili's (spicy food) to spend the gift card my aunt gave me for graduation (you know, since it would be a while before dating or couple time would be on the table) and then we'd bring out the big guns--in this case the breast pump--and see if we could get us a baby. But before all this, we said a prayer and asked the Lord if it was within His will for this child to be coaxed out that night. We both felt good about our plan and Eric gave me a priesthood blessing. It was very sweet.
Then I knocked back the caster oil (nastier than I remember but not as bad as people usually say). We dropped off Jane for the night and went to dinner. We looked for the spiciest thing on the menu and I basically ate jalapenos for dinner. Some good contractions started during dinner, and, in retrospect, caster oil and jalapenos may have been not only over the top, but too hot of a combination... by 8:45, we had active labor!
I waited an hour and then called the midwife--Catherine was on call. She asked what I wanted to do and I told her I wanted to come into the hospital soon. (For comparison, I went into active labor with Jane at 4:30 in the afternoon and we didn't go to the birth center til 1:00 am...and we didn't deliver til 7:17 PM!!!!) I'm not sure why exactly. I just felt urgent about it.
By 11:00 we were on our way to the hospital after first stopping to get my mom. Getting admitted took forever and my nurse, while very sweet, had a hard time with some of our choices--she really wanted to put an IV in right away. Even though the floor was pretty empty, we went down to the family lounge to labor on the birth ball and escape a bit. Emiline was a little posterior so I did a lot of leaning forward through contractions. It still amazes me what a powerful thing that pain thing can be--it was really cool to find just the right position that alleviated my pain and, at least in theory, helped the baby get where she needed to be.
When we got to the hospital, I was a 4 1/2, which made me feel good because I really hadn't been in labor all that long. It was at least progress. Somewhere around 1:00, a felt my muscles start to freak out a bit. I knew that I wasn't in NEAR the physical shape I'd been in with Jane and one of my biggest concerns this time around was my inability to labor long or effectively. Basically, I already needed a break and was losing the ability to rest and relax. So I laid down on the bed, which was again the most painful position, and she checked me again. No progress. Which, frankly, was hard to hear. With Jane, I was stuck at a 7 for 10 hours. I was afraid something like that would happen again and I knew I didn't have the strength for it this time around. But I was able to sleep in between contractions for about 10 minutes and that was a huge pick me up (still strange to me how anyone can sleep in between contractions...).
Then things got worse, at least pain wise. I thought we'd try water for pain relief first and then... Things were quickly getting a lot more intense and more like transition felt last time. I knew I didn't have too much more in me. While they were getting the tub ready, I was checked again at around 2:00 am and apparently I was at a 5, but I didn't hear her tell me that so I thought I was still at a 4 1/2. I got in the birth tub after that and it did help but things kept getting more and more intense. My midwife stepped out for a minute and I asked for an epidural. Mom and Eric thought I was kidding...but I wasn't. I knew I only had an hour in me at most without more help.
All of a sudden, things hurt a lot and I felt the urge to push, which seemed crazy because I thought I was still at a 4 1/2. This translated into me saying "something's wrong" (and you know how hard it is to speak during a contraction!) Catherine asked me what was wrong, if it felt like my water had broke...uh no! She asked me to listen to my body and what it was telling me . All I could get out was "gotta push!" My mom knelt down by my head and told me to blow. The next thing I heard was "she's crowning!" and then some bustle as Mom and Eric flail around to turn on a light and hit the call button to get a nurse in there. Catherine yells "we're having a baby now!" (I should probably mention that while I was totally comfortable laboring in the tub, I hadn't planned on a water birth. We wanted the option available because of my back, but I wanted to decide that in the moment...Emiline decided for us ;-)
At some point I started pushing and then she's out and Catherine is chuckling with a kind of glee because Emiline is in the caul. It was a double water birth! About 15 minutes after I had desperately stepped into the tub, and no more than 2 minutes from crowning, Emiline made her grand entrance into this world. I remember her color looking strange because of the caul and she started screaming immediately. Man does she have lungs!! And unlike her sister, she didn't look at me for awhile, too busy checking out her surroundings to gaze adoringly at her mother ;-) She nursed right away and had a fantastic latch right from the get go. It's been such a treat to get to know her (more on that later).
With my baby on my chest, still in the birth tub, I was in complete awe and amazement, and not just at this mewling creature that is my daughter. In my blessing just hours before this labor journey began, I was promised an added measure of peace and strength and the ability to do what I needed to do. As I felt on the verge of my peace and my strength for most of the labor, I am profoundly grateful for that blessing. In different ways and for different reasons, Emiline's 5 1/2 hour labor was just as hard as Jane's 27 hour one. (which just goes to show that labor is hard, period.) I am amazed at the Lord's mercy in giving me what I needed for this birth. It was a personal miracle that she came so quickly when I was nearing my breaking point. If she hadn't come, I would have had a different kind of miracle--an epidural!! I'm not opposed to them or think they make a less natural birth or anything like that. My opinion has always been to just do what you can on your own and when that's not enough, get help. But this time, with my back and health problems being what they were, I felt a little extra love and reassurance from heaven when Emiline came like she did. It has given me confidence that I will be able to physically care for my family, something I've worried about for more than a year. We are capable of more than we know. And when we add God in the mix, and He's more there than we usually realize, little miracles happen.
I stand all amazed.
Kids
The other day, while at Emiline's pediatrician, Eric was filling out some forms and said "I think the kids are under your name." It was a strange moment. It's like we've hit the big time or something. With two we are a real family...we've let that word slip a few times since, "kids," and it still makes me giggle.
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