Thoughts on Easter and Peter

I began the year studying the Gospels and Acts. It was a nice, long prelude to Easter. Since General Conference, I began a new course of study suggested by President Russell M Nelson, to read every entry in the Topical Guide on Jesus Christ. And as we celebrated Easter Week and Easter day, I was right there in my reading, the Last Supper, the Crucifixion, the Resurrection, each author in his own words. I had done something similar before. This time, I got to also read about his Ascension. And I realized for the first time that both Mark and Luke end their accounts with the story of his Ascension. I was deeply moved. To me, their accounts highlight what a life looks like when it has been touched by the Risen Lord. There was "great joy" and they were "continually in the temple, praising and blessing God." Luke 24:50-53. They were liberated and wholly free, they "preached everywhere, the Lord working with them, and confirming the word with signs following." Mark 16:19-20.

Why do I say "wholly free"? I think of Peter, who I have so grown to love as an adult. How he had these deep, strong desires to enact the kind of faith he thought he had. Jumping out of the boat, slicing off a soldier's ear, and in so many other moments, he wanted with his whole self to be this person he could sort of envision. And Christ was continually gently guiding his enthusiasm, helping him grow, helping his faith get to a point where he could be all that he wanted to be. And that didn't come in Christ's lifetime. But his life touched by the Risen Lord was altogether different. Now his faith was mature, now his desires matched his abilities, now he was wholly free to serve and believe and be the kind of disciple he desperately wanted to be before. His tongue was loosed, his heart was confident, the way was sure. 

In the past, I have wondered if this difference in Peter had something to do with the gift of the Holy Ghost. And there might still be something in that. But now as a 30-something that has seen a few more trials, part of me just feels it is the natural process of the growth of the spirit and faith. All the miracles that Peter and other witnessed couldn't accelerate the process of gaining a testimony and setting an unbreakable foundation of discipleship. There is no fast track to being that person we want to be. It takes a lifetime. It takes a whole lotta stuff, trials, blessings, joy, misery. And maybe one of the symbols of the Resurrection is that life-long process of maturing and growing and messing up and trying again does find an end (death) and then a glorious rebirth. That it is possible to get out of an angsty place of uncertainty and to a majestically calm place of restful joy.

I love angsty Peter. I love how good his heart is. I love how pure his intentions are. And I love how the Lord loves him and guides him in his well-meaning but immature understanding (which is light years above me). All of that makes me love him all the more when he is the Rock, when he is out there leading and serving, when his doing his ACTs as an apostle. Which brings us to some thoughts about Faith without Works. In one sense, Peter was full of faith. But in another, he had not the faith of a grain of mustard seed because he could not yet do the work of faith. And maybe someday I'll find the words to write a poem about how up until the death of our Lord Jesus Christ, Peter's faith was without works and was dead. But in His Resurrection, Peter's faith and work became intensely alive. 

It gives me faith and hope that someday, through the same power, and in my own personal way, I will become the same, that my faith and work will be unified and alive.