No pictures or videos yet, just the delight that is parenting. Emiline has been on the verge of walking for a few weeks now, she'll stand up and take a step and then sit down and crawl. Over the weekend, she took a couple of steps and today, as she turns 10 months old, she took six steps as we coaxed her to walk between me and Eric and even Jane. Every time she did it, cheer like mad, even Jane, and it was such a fun, delight some moment!
I know I felt this with Jane and I'm fairly sure I expressed it somewhere, but it's all afresh with me today with Emiline: the joy of parenting. The things I got really excited about (other than boys) in my single life were also satisfying: being accepted into a grad program in Wales, chosen to sing one of my songs in the songwriter's showcase, mastering a good climb, in the last step of revision of an essay when it was all really coming together, anytime I got to teach, being introduced to a real brain-burner of an idea or perspective. But the joy I find in parenting, the depth of the satisfaction, the sparkling delight of excitement, is on a completely different level and a wider, broader, more sustaining feeling. I was full of it as Emiline toddled back and forth between us.
I'll have to go back and check the videos, but it seems that Emiline's first steps are very different then Jane's, and it goes back to Emiline's momentum--once she starts moving she just goes for it! She waited a bit longer til she was steady, then took big, fast steps and swung from side to side (a bit like a drunk), her balance in question until she got to her destination. I am excited to see where her enthusiasm, and her walking, take her!
'Round Here
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I have a half dozen unfinished posts and a few more in my head that I may or may not get to in the near future. 'Round here we've been busy doing this:
The packing and planning is going well, I feel confident and capable and my back is holding (yay for good health!) But I feel like in order to get it all done with two kids underfoot, I have to spend all my free time working on it, and then some. So I've been neglecting this blog, and friends, among other things.
So far I have 24 boxes packed and some pretty clean closets. I've lost count but we have taken at least 3 dozen of bags to the thrift store (about 7 or so loads to Goodwill in our little Focus). But my house is usually in disarray since I'm always in the middle of packing something and that is getting old. D-day for me and the girls is April 14, which is 2 1/2 weeks away.
Hopefully by then, all of this (photo taken yesterday)
will be melted and gone, gone away. A little crazy that I can't pack up the winter stuff yes? Well, that's Minnesota! And here we are trying to love it! It was a nice day, into the 40s, so we went for a walk.
And the real reason for squeezing this post today? Photo Shoot!
My daughter finally has enough hair to put in foam curlers and she let me do it last night. It was a bit of a whim and it was strange how excited and nostalgic I was to do it (my mom put is in curlers all the time for church. And a good portion of the time I hated sleeping in them, but still. It felt really cool to be doing something with my daughter that my mom did with me SO many times. (And yeah, all the words to describe it for ya are "really cool.")
So after our bonding experience (so cute how she played with the curlers while I was doing it, reminded me of Becca how she pretended they were little people and had them talking to each other and playing with each other and doing their voices and everything):
We were able to get these sweet shots today after church:
Those were for you, Mom!
The packing and planning is going well, I feel confident and capable and my back is holding (yay for good health!) But I feel like in order to get it all done with two kids underfoot, I have to spend all my free time working on it, and then some. So I've been neglecting this blog, and friends, among other things.
So far I have 24 boxes packed and some pretty clean closets. I've lost count but we have taken at least 3 dozen of bags to the thrift store (about 7 or so loads to Goodwill in our little Focus). But my house is usually in disarray since I'm always in the middle of packing something and that is getting old. D-day for me and the girls is April 14, which is 2 1/2 weeks away.
Hopefully by then, all of this (photo taken yesterday)
will be melted and gone, gone away. A little crazy that I can't pack up the winter stuff yes? Well, that's Minnesota! And here we are trying to love it! It was a nice day, into the 40s, so we went for a walk.
And the real reason for squeezing this post today? Photo Shoot!
My daughter finally has enough hair to put in foam curlers and she let me do it last night. It was a bit of a whim and it was strange how excited and nostalgic I was to do it (my mom put is in curlers all the time for church. And a good portion of the time I hated sleeping in them, but still. It felt really cool to be doing something with my daughter that my mom did with me SO many times. (And yeah, all the words to describe it for ya are "really cool.")
So after our bonding experience (so cute how she played with the curlers while I was doing it, reminded me of Becca how she pretended they were little people and had them talking to each other and playing with each other and doing their voices and everything):
We were able to get these sweet shots today after church:
Those were for you, Mom!
Snow???
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It's not like I didn't know it was coming, I saw the five day forecast projecting snow today...I just didn't believe it, come on, we've had highs in the low 50s for almost a week. And there was grass again, sure the biggest piles of snow where still ringing the parking lots, but the grass was CLEAR! It was even the tiniest bit green, not totally brown. And I'm having a hard time not being really annoyed about it all. I want to be all Pollyanna about it, honest! I could declare a snow day and indulge in hot chocolate, be grateful I didn't put the winter coats et al in deep storage, declare it a reading day in thick sweaters... But all I can muster is YUCK!!! We are supposed to get 1-3 inches today. It looks like there is already an inch out there and it's falling faster than ever...*sigh* I'm more antsy about spring this year than I was about being overdue with Emiline!
Just for fun
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My little sister is deploying for Afghanistan tomorrow. I'm really excited for her and I know she'll be amazing and do incredible and learn so much (and of course it will be hard) but I'm also very much going to miss being able to talk to her on the phone whenever for however long. She is one of my favorite people to talk with, as well as just one of my favorite people ever, and I wanted to send her with something that would communicate our family's love for her.
She loves music and will have different access to it and all media while she is there. So my mom and I came up with this idea for each member of our family that could to pick a theme/topic for a playlist and put together a bunch of songs around that theme/songs she would like. I decided to make Album Art for each of the lists to make it a little more visual and immediate. Initially, I was supposed to be able to see her one last time before she left and deliver the gift in person, but my mom was there and put all the images together, playlists, and the notes we each wrote her, into a little compact album. I think it hit the spot and I hope it cheers her and helps her over and over in the next year.
I thought I'd post the images here so my family could see how it all turned out.
I took this on our way to the San Antonio temple
I took this the first 4th of July we were married at Lake Powell. It's a sparkler.
This was submitted by my bro and his wife.
A picture I took on our "driveway" in TX
(about 4 miles up a "mountain" to our house on the lake).
A picture Eric took of the crepe that looked like a face
An image from Flickr.
an image from flickr
a public domain image also found on flickr (LOVE THIS ONE!!!)
A friend of my oldest brother took this, it's of Idaho, these are wheel lines, and it's the closest thing I've found that captures the beauty of summer sunsets in the country.
I took on our way home from our first spring break as newlyweds,
it's just a pretty field between Dallas and Austin.
Our "backyard" in Austin.
So it turns out I only took cool pictures before I had kids ;-) And/or when I lived in TX.
She loves music and will have different access to it and all media while she is there. So my mom and I came up with this idea for each member of our family that could to pick a theme/topic for a playlist and put together a bunch of songs around that theme/songs she would like. I decided to make Album Art for each of the lists to make it a little more visual and immediate. Initially, I was supposed to be able to see her one last time before she left and deliver the gift in person, but my mom was there and put all the images together, playlists, and the notes we each wrote her, into a little compact album. I think it hit the spot and I hope it cheers her and helps her over and over in the next year.
I thought I'd post the images here so my family could see how it all turned out.
I took this on our way to the San Antonio temple
I took this the first 4th of July we were married at Lake Powell. It's a sparkler.
This was submitted by my bro and his wife.
A picture I took on our "driveway" in TX(about 4 miles up a "mountain" to our house on the lake).
A picture Eric took of the crepe that looked like a face
An image from Flickr.
an image from flickr
a public domain image also found on flickr (LOVE THIS ONE!!!)
A friend of my oldest brother took this, it's of Idaho, these are wheel lines, and it's the closest thing I've found that captures the beauty of summer sunsets in the country.
I took on our way home from our first spring break as newlyweds,it's just a pretty field between Dallas and Austin.
Our "backyard" in Austin.So it turns out I only took cool pictures before I had kids ;-) And/or when I lived in TX.
Grammar Check
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While it is true that I was an English major it is also true that while I was doing said major I had what I thought was a healthy disdain for prescriptive grammar. Yes, being married to a Ludlow, who is so thoroughly wired to rules, has changed my perspective slightly. Apparently there are people that cling to rules instead of intuitively leaping onto the real meaning of a phrase, sentence, or conversation. And I adore the one I'm married to. But the consequence of all that is that my children have his genes. And Jane has already started grammar checking; she even corrected Eric yesterday! (lest you think my grammar is all that atrocious!
Some examples:
Eric told Jane to put something in one of the garbages. She told him she could only put it in one of the garbages. And then emphasized "I will put it in a garbage." She is kind of hung up on plurals right now and has corrected me MULTIPLE times on this one, even plural verbs (like "is" vs "are")
When we are walking or driving somewhere, Jane will comment on something like "Mommy, this road is really bumpy" and I'll say "Yes, it is a little bumpy" and she'll say "no, Mommy, it's a big bumpy." She's very specific with relative adjectives, etc.
She also understands that one person says thanks/gracias and the other says your welcome/de nada. And I think she thinks they alternate because if she says thank you about something and both Eric and I say your welcome, she gets a little upset and tries to correct us.
Maybe she'll shape me up yet!!
Some examples:
Eric told Jane to put something in one of the garbages. She told him she could only put it in one of the garbages. And then emphasized "I will put it in a garbage." She is kind of hung up on plurals right now and has corrected me MULTIPLE times on this one, even plural verbs (like "is" vs "are")
When we are walking or driving somewhere, Jane will comment on something like "Mommy, this road is really bumpy" and I'll say "Yes, it is a little bumpy" and she'll say "no, Mommy, it's a big bumpy." She's very specific with relative adjectives, etc.
She also understands that one person says thanks/gracias and the other says your welcome/de nada. And I think she thinks they alternate because if she says thank you about something and both Eric and I say your welcome, she gets a little upset and tries to correct us.
Maybe she'll shape me up yet!!
Bright Time
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Jane did NOT take a nap today, despite TWO attempts, one hour in her bed, and later another hour in the pac n' play. So it was early bedtime tonight. And it wasn't quite pitch black yet so when I told her it was time to get ready for bed, she looked out the window and said "it's not dark! It's not night time, it's bright time." Clever little stinker.
Lessons Learned
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One of my favorite people, who happens to be my cousin, comes from a family of optimism. She, like my best friend from college, would probably love and be very good at playing the "grateful game," you know, where to get yourself out of a funk you start listing things you are grateful for until you feel better. For the record, for my most of my life I have detested the grateful game. I don't think you should ever wallow in a funk, but I also don't think you should jump straight to talking yourself out of it. I think it's better to feel what you are feeling so you can narrow in on what is bothering you and come up with a solution and then move on. I used to detest the grateful game.
Enter Chronic Pain.
One of the most problematic things about any kind of chronic condition (I think bed rest can fit in here, too, even though there is an end in sight) is that it is practically unsolvable. So I had to rely on gratitude to change my worldview instead of coming up with or implementing a solution to change things. In the last 2 1/2 years as a mom, with a husband in school, with some other problems, and with my back problems, I have learned that gratitude is the key to joy.
I think that's why daily prayer is so important. Offering real gratitude to the giver of all is one of the best ways I know of growing happiness. And keeping your sanity in certain conditions...
The year before Jane was born, I discovered something important about myself. I tended to base my self-worth on my productivity. If I got a lot done, then I had value as an individual. I knew this was a problem and I tried on my own to change my perspective, but I also asked for help from the Lord (which is always risky, He most certainly throws a "trial" in your way to help you grow). After Jane was born, I never fully recovered. I bled for 12 weeks, I had this burning pain in my pelvis that got progressively worse every time I was standing until my jaw was clenched and my hands were shaking. Looking back, I can laugh at my ineptness at caring for myself, listening to my body's signals, and the state of pain-tinged, sleep-deprived stupor I was in just trying to cope. I was just so overwhelmed with all the changes (moving when Jane was a week old, starting law school, moving again, oh right, and motherhood) that I really wasn't thinking straight. And I just didn't know what was going on, not like I do now.
In addition to that fearsome pelvic pain, at 5 1/2 months post pardum, I "threw my back out" pretty bad. The doctor thought it was a herniation (it wasn't). And I couldn't even lift a gallon of milk without causing severe back pain and spasms. Moving around at all sucked, but eventually became doable, but on my back I was pain free. I had to farm Jane out for 2 weeks because I simply couldn't care for her, and after that was a long journey to figure out how to be healthy and strong again, with several bumps and hurdles along the road (breast reduction to help with my goofed up spinal curve, more PT for the pelvic issues, another "outage" and very likely herniation this time, but I was 8 weeks pregnant so we couldn't do imaging, more PT, gave up on PT, tried chiropractic, had the baby, lots of gym time not much improvement, had a MRI-no nerve impingement but three bulging disks, referred to different and AWESOME PT- a 12 week program, graduated with near normalcy.) I don't have it all figured out, and I still have pain here and there, but for practical purposes, my pain doesn't keep me down anymore. Some days it makes me more ornery than I otherwise might be, and I don't think all my energy or stamina has come back, but life is so much more livable and functional now that it feels like normal.
So back to the lessons learned. Looking back I can easily see the blessings of all of that. For example:
It's very possible that without my back and pelvic problems that I would have whirled around trying to do a million things and completely missed taking the time to enjoy the moments with my child/children. But I was forced to slow down and sometimes just lay on the couch and play with Jane and just enjoy her and come up with silly games and do lots and lots of reading together. I'm really grateful for that blessing, because to Him, and to me if I keep a grateful heart, that was a huge blessing! The amount of joy I've gotten from just slowing down, as well as the insights I've gained into my kids, it's changed how I love and parent them and the satisfaction I get out of it all at the same time. There are lots of other things I have learned that I wouldn't trade for anything, but those are for another post someday.
In closing:
Doctrine and Covenants 46:32
And ye must give athanks unto God in the Spirit for whatsoever blessing ye are blessed with.
My take on that scripture is if you can find a way to give thanks in "whatsoever blessing[/trial] ye are blessed with," then you will that blessing/trial as a blessing. I think gratitude changes our paradigm to one much more elevated and like God's vision. Boy, I'm grateful for gratitude!
I even play the grateful game. Sometimes. In my mind. But with different rules.
Enter Chronic Pain.
One of the most problematic things about any kind of chronic condition (I think bed rest can fit in here, too, even though there is an end in sight) is that it is practically unsolvable. So I had to rely on gratitude to change my worldview instead of coming up with or implementing a solution to change things. In the last 2 1/2 years as a mom, with a husband in school, with some other problems, and with my back problems, I have learned that gratitude is the key to joy.
I think that's why daily prayer is so important. Offering real gratitude to the giver of all is one of the best ways I know of growing happiness. And keeping your sanity in certain conditions...
The year before Jane was born, I discovered something important about myself. I tended to base my self-worth on my productivity. If I got a lot done, then I had value as an individual. I knew this was a problem and I tried on my own to change my perspective, but I also asked for help from the Lord (which is always risky, He most certainly throws a "trial" in your way to help you grow). After Jane was born, I never fully recovered. I bled for 12 weeks, I had this burning pain in my pelvis that got progressively worse every time I was standing until my jaw was clenched and my hands were shaking. Looking back, I can laugh at my ineptness at caring for myself, listening to my body's signals, and the state of pain-tinged, sleep-deprived stupor I was in just trying to cope. I was just so overwhelmed with all the changes (moving when Jane was a week old, starting law school, moving again, oh right, and motherhood) that I really wasn't thinking straight. And I just didn't know what was going on, not like I do now.
In addition to that fearsome pelvic pain, at 5 1/2 months post pardum, I "threw my back out" pretty bad. The doctor thought it was a herniation (it wasn't). And I couldn't even lift a gallon of milk without causing severe back pain and spasms. Moving around at all sucked, but eventually became doable, but on my back I was pain free. I had to farm Jane out for 2 weeks because I simply couldn't care for her, and after that was a long journey to figure out how to be healthy and strong again, with several bumps and hurdles along the road (breast reduction to help with my goofed up spinal curve, more PT for the pelvic issues, another "outage" and very likely herniation this time, but I was 8 weeks pregnant so we couldn't do imaging, more PT, gave up on PT, tried chiropractic, had the baby, lots of gym time not much improvement, had a MRI-no nerve impingement but three bulging disks, referred to different and AWESOME PT- a 12 week program, graduated with near normalcy.) I don't have it all figured out, and I still have pain here and there, but for practical purposes, my pain doesn't keep me down anymore. Some days it makes me more ornery than I otherwise might be, and I don't think all my energy or stamina has come back, but life is so much more livable and functional now that it feels like normal.
So back to the lessons learned. Looking back I can easily see the blessings of all of that. For example:
It's very possible that without my back and pelvic problems that I would have whirled around trying to do a million things and completely missed taking the time to enjoy the moments with my child/children. But I was forced to slow down and sometimes just lay on the couch and play with Jane and just enjoy her and come up with silly games and do lots and lots of reading together. I'm really grateful for that blessing, because to Him, and to me if I keep a grateful heart, that was a huge blessing! The amount of joy I've gotten from just slowing down, as well as the insights I've gained into my kids, it's changed how I love and parent them and the satisfaction I get out of it all at the same time. There are lots of other things I have learned that I wouldn't trade for anything, but those are for another post someday.
In closing:
Doctrine and Covenants 46:32
And ye must give athanks unto God in the Spirit for whatsoever blessing ye are blessed with.
My take on that scripture is if you can find a way to give thanks in "whatsoever blessing[/trial] ye are blessed with," then you will that blessing/trial as a blessing. I think gratitude changes our paradigm to one much more elevated and like God's vision. Boy, I'm grateful for gratitude!
I even play the grateful game. Sometimes. In my mind. But with different rules.
A Flight Alone
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I was at the gym today doing my back exercises and didn't remember to bring my iPod until I was already in the weight room so I had some time to let my mind wander without little voices distracting it. I noticed, at least today, that what I'm thinking about when I don't have to think about anything else is the future. My "screensaver" is planning. If you know anything about the details of our life right now, you know that's kind of hilarious. And painful.
At some point, my mind was thinking about April and I realized that I have a flight by myself! (I think I'm going to book one with a really long lay over.) And I started to get all excited about sitting on the plane and maybe reading a book. And then I thought maybe I could write one...then I laughed at myself. It really seems like that much uninterrupted time! I think I may need to reorient myself with the space-time continuum. Anybody got an app for that?
At some point, my mind was thinking about April and I realized that I have a flight by myself! (I think I'm going to book one with a really long lay over.) And I started to get all excited about sitting on the plane and maybe reading a book. And then I thought maybe I could write one...then I laughed at myself. It really seems like that much uninterrupted time! I think I may need to reorient myself with the space-time continuum. Anybody got an app for that?
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