Feeling Totally Justified

Jane's 15 month appointment was on Monday (yes, I've been meaning to post since then ;-) and besides the drama of the hemoglobin and lead test (they milked Jane's finger for blood for 2 minutes and then she was entirely indignant and furious at the idea of putting a band-aid on that finger, tore it off twice...), it was a great visit. I love our clinic and adore at least three of the docs that work there. Monday was with our favorite, Cindy.

So here comes the justification part: since Jane did plenty of crying which gave Cindy plenty of opportunity to peak at her gums. All four of Jane's molars are in and she's now cutting all four of her eye teeth, which are supposed to be much worse. I think I will keep my 15 month old after all, poor dear, and be a little more liberal with the ibruprofen at night.

By the way, I happen to think toddling is the cutest thing ever. I never realized what I a joy it is to watch a baby learn to walk. Jane has been a real go getter and I'm amazed with how much better she gets every day. The Zombie hands are already gone and I wouldn't be surprised if she was running by next week. She's already trying.


As for me, my health, and my sly hints here and there about being pregnant, I have good days and not so good days. I don't have bad days near as often, thankfully, and I'm doing my best to do the things I know make me happy and healthy and trying to figure out more of the ones that will make me more healthy (and thereby more happy?). I am now taking swimming lessons because hopefully no matter what happens to my back or hips, that will be something I can do continually. Being (mostly) past the puke-tastic stage of pregnancy, my desire to eat well is slowly emerging and I have joy again in vegetables. I'm beginning to feel like my disc is mostly healed, it seems like I can sit longer these days and it just feels a bit different. We'll see how Sunday goes.

Some of you may know of my addiction to productivity. I like to do stuff. I like to have visible results of my accomplishments and, for most of my life, accomplishing = positive self worth. I even thought that this was the norm for people, or at least how it should be, until I married Eric.

I've had some withdrawal pains this last year. And I think they are growing pains, too. The biggest lesson, beside relying on the Lord and gratitude for the charity of others (I'm a pro at eating humble pie these days), I have learned (was forced) to slow down and appreciate moments. I'm getting pretty good at being in the moment with her and with my nieces and it makes mothering and life so much more enjoyable. There is a poem I love by Thoreau that has a line "frittered away by detail." I think I have often been guilty of being frittered away by doing.

That's not to say that I'm not itching to get back to doing more than I've been able lately. I'd love to get my house organzied, cute-i-fied, and clean. I'd love to spend a little more time in the kitchen and be able to serve those around me more. But a couple days ago I had a rather strange moment. I was icing my back on my bed and I had no desire to read, to blog, to listen to music, to talk on the phone, to sleep, surf the internet, or even play solitaire. I was tired and I just wanted to do nothing. I have never had that experience before, I've always been too busy.

In posting this, I am a little worried about what my own family will think. It is from that hive of busyness that I am migrating ever so slightly from (ask Eric, I'm still plenty productive crazy). And sometimes I feel like I should be doing more; there's a restlessness that I've somehow caved in and forsaken my own values. I often feel like I need an objective, a project, an ambition beyond the one of survival, gestation, and raising Jane. I keep thinking that my life will never be this "slow" again, that I've got six months before the second one comes and I am outnumbered and overwhelmed. I don't want to waste this time. And I don't know the answer. But I also know that I don't want to lose any more time with a beam of busyness in my eye.

Next post, PICTURES!! As soon as I can find my cord...