Joys of Motherhood

So I have a friend who's asked me for some advice about mommy stuff, which I'm thrilled to give. She has several questions, but this one in particular I thought I'd throw out to you all and see if we can't give her a most excellent and accurate answer.

Her story is one I've heard before. She's scared to death of having children in part because she's heard so much about (or remembers better) the "sacrifice" it is and not enough about the "joy" part of it. Her particular question to me is: What are some of the joys you have had from having Jane, both during pregnancy, during birth, and after?

I think I'd like to start with the morning the peestick showed a positive. I've always wanted to be a mom. And I always had this deep fear that I wouldn't be able to for some reason. After six months of aggressive trying, I prepared myself for the worst. So the morning that little stick had two happy lines instead of one sad, lonely line, I could hardly believe it. Eric came in during my speechlessness, saw my face and my wet cheeks and said "you're making the same face you made the day we got married." And for the most part, having Jane has been a love affair akin to falling in love with my own sweet husband. Moments of excitement, laughing out loud, of pure bliss but also moments of frustration, of anxiety, of thinking "I'm not so sure about this" and even "what have I got myself into?" But overall, the sustaining feeling is one of quiet joy. So down to the nitty-grities. There is nothing like being pregnant. All of a sudden I cared about and viewed my body in a totally different way. I was fascinated by the incredible processes my body was performing. It was the same kind of wonder I felt as a kid about the stars and the possibility of space travel. Part of my preoccupation with my body had to do with all the pregnancy "discomforts" I was feeling--one after another and just when I got one figured out something new started. Yes, pregnancy had it's less than joyful moments and it's roller coaster of hormones. But, a theme I'll keep coming back to is this, the joy is there for the taking. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. A woman can become a mother, but she has to receive the joy therein. It's up to her.

So I could either drown in the miseries or I could read about the majesty of creating a human life. I could focus on how I didn't feel myself or I could focus on how my self was changing and would change as I became a mother. It's pretty easy to lose yourself in preparation for a baby, and not just setting up house, which is way fun, but doing all the research on pregnancy, birth, babies, and parenthood or even just talking about names. Some of the sweetest moments in my pregnancy was sharing it with Eric. He was so sweet and supportive and took such good care of me. And sharing that excitement of having a baby, of starting a family, of moving on to the next stage of life with my husband only brought us closer. We were constantly learning new things about each other and it makes that childless part of our marriage seem like the childhood of our marriage. I'm not saying our marriage is in puberty now, just that like childhood is full of innocence and wonder, so was our marriage. And sure, growing up isn't a painless process but it's also very fun and full of growth.

I think I'll save the remaining answers to her question for later posts, lest this one get too long and unwieldy. Since pregnancy is different for everyone, I invite you all to respond with your thoughts about what I've said, agreement, dissent, and insights.