Jane is Child of God

So I've heard from several different sources to leave off pronouns when talking to your baby, it apparently helps with speech development. I most regularly incorporate this when I sing to Jane (It really helps that "Jane" is a one syllable word, incidentally):

Jane is my Sunshine, Mom's little Sunshine.
Jane makes Mom happy when skies are gray.

See how easy it is? And it's strange how more personal and intimate it feels. Take for example the primary classic "I Am a Child of God."

Jane is a child of God. And God has sent Jane here.
Has given Jane an earthly home with parents kind of weird (that's Eric's lyric-adjustment)
Lead Jane, guide Jane, walk beside Jane, help Jane find the way. Teach Jane all that Jane must do, to live with God some day.

It gives me goosebumps every time I sing it. It becomes a song for parents, not just primary children. It becomes an imperative instead of just expository and it impresses upon me the gravity of what I am doing right now.

I've gotten so used to my version of the song, that when I heard it sung normally today it was like I heard it for the first time. I decided to turn on a session of general conference while doing dishes during Jane's nap. Just after she woke up and while I was feeding her, the primary choir sang I Am A Child of God. I just sat there, holding Jane on my lap and wept. Now, maybe it's the hormones crying and not me, (my favorite professor at UT has endless stories of the floodgates that opened for her once she conceived and became a mother) but I was also really moved. Jane IS a child of God. And God has sent Jane to Me and today I was awestruck by that. And I just wanted to share my awe and my gratitude and deep humility with the blogging world.

So Many Changes

What's the deal? You'd think time travels at the speed of light or something. This week has seemed almost as long as the whole school break! And it was only a four-day school week...*sigh*

Since last I blogged:

• Jane tried solids-very dilute rice cereal with breastmilk- with limited success.

• Eric went back to school on Tuesday. That glazed, distracted look in his eyes has returned, (which is different from my glazed and distracted look) I'm told his is a chronic condition called Juris Preoccupo (Law Preoccupation).
• Marcee got tired.
• And then there were two: it's just me and Jane all day everyday! Someday my husband will return. It was so nice to have him home...and even a little nice to have him not at home ;-) One of the great mysteries of life...
  
• Marcee got more tired.
• Jane stopped sleeping through the night...this is quite hilarious with a little insider info: Eric and I decided that while he was in school, I would do all the night duty and let him sleep since he needs his brain for school (and mothers don't need brains, obviously ;-) BUT the second finals were over, he'd take over night duty. Well, guess who started sleeping through the night just days after finals were over? And guess who started waking up again just days after school started again? Yep, it's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.
• Marcee got more tireder.
• Jane picked up two additional feedings during the day (and don't forget that night feeding!) and is nursing longer at each feeding.
• Marcee got hungrier....do you know where this is going yet? Have you been following the clues!?!
  

You guessed it Sherlock-

• Jane started solids for real, for real--bananas and rice cereal--with huge success!

How do I know? She's sleeping through the night again! (Knock on wood) Poor hungry critter, that milk diet couldn't keep up with her. What a difference a week makes!

• Oh, and I FINALLY finished Jane's bumper pads for her crib. Her nursery is on the very brink of being cute. But, more on that later.

5 Months Old

The time is flying by! My girl is astonishing me with her leaps and bounds. So here is a list of her "can do"s:

• while on her tummy, push herself all the way up with her hands
• finally got that consonant thing down. She favors "b" and "d"
• likes to hold her bottle while eating. Did I mention she all of sudden took to a bottle? And we've left the nipple shield entirely behind. She's even taken a pacifier a few times to help calm down before bed. She'll suck on just about anything slightly convex: shoulders, forearms, cheeks, chins, etc. She gave Eric a hicky the other day.
• drinks from a cup. No kidding! She's almost better at it then her 1 year old cousin Joey.
• without my holding her, she can stand on my lap for half a second before toppling.
• almost has sitting by herself mastered. She's been able to sit by herself for a few minutes a few times now. She's excellent at sitting in my lap, loves to chill with her mommy. The other day we watched Mamma Mia and Jane LOVED the fast dancing songs; sat there all entranced.
• has started reaching for us, sometimes with her whole body (way cute)
• cut her first tooth! On my birthday, even.
• is incredibly smiley and giggling. I can get her to start laughing mid-cry with one big smile
• has figured out Peek-A-Boo
• likes to airplane above my head
• likes to scratch fabric and other textures
• sticks tongue out like a lizard--in and out, in and out, over and over, in and out.
• has discovered the joy of paper. She loves the ultimate shape-shifting toy that tastes good too!
• grabbing like a lobster--she will be pincing those raisins in no time!
• has quite the grasp. The other day she grabbed the end of the empty Chex box while Eric was pouring his milk. She held on to it long enough, carried it, to show mommy in the next room.
• is grabbing her toes (as you can see in the picture, that is a new thing today) and loves to play with the wooden letters of her name above her changing table
  

We are amazed and tickled by our little girl. This parenting thing rocks! I'm so glad I get to see this enfold everyday, she is changing so fast I'm out of breath!

Joys of Motherhood

So I have a friend who's asked me for some advice about mommy stuff, which I'm thrilled to give. She has several questions, but this one in particular I thought I'd throw out to you all and see if we can't give her a most excellent and accurate answer.

Her story is one I've heard before. She's scared to death of having children in part because she's heard so much about (or remembers better) the "sacrifice" it is and not enough about the "joy" part of it. Her particular question to me is: What are some of the joys you have had from having Jane, both during pregnancy, during birth, and after?

I think I'd like to start with the morning the peestick showed a positive. I've always wanted to be a mom. And I always had this deep fear that I wouldn't be able to for some reason. After six months of aggressive trying, I prepared myself for the worst. So the morning that little stick had two happy lines instead of one sad, lonely line, I could hardly believe it. Eric came in during my speechlessness, saw my face and my wet cheeks and said "you're making the same face you made the day we got married." And for the most part, having Jane has been a love affair akin to falling in love with my own sweet husband. Moments of excitement, laughing out loud, of pure bliss but also moments of frustration, of anxiety, of thinking "I'm not so sure about this" and even "what have I got myself into?" But overall, the sustaining feeling is one of quiet joy. So down to the nitty-grities. There is nothing like being pregnant. All of a sudden I cared about and viewed my body in a totally different way. I was fascinated by the incredible processes my body was performing. It was the same kind of wonder I felt as a kid about the stars and the possibility of space travel. Part of my preoccupation with my body had to do with all the pregnancy "discomforts" I was feeling--one after another and just when I got one figured out something new started. Yes, pregnancy had it's less than joyful moments and it's roller coaster of hormones. But, a theme I'll keep coming back to is this, the joy is there for the taking. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. A woman can become a mother, but she has to receive the joy therein. It's up to her.

So I could either drown in the miseries or I could read about the majesty of creating a human life. I could focus on how I didn't feel myself or I could focus on how my self was changing and would change as I became a mother. It's pretty easy to lose yourself in preparation for a baby, and not just setting up house, which is way fun, but doing all the research on pregnancy, birth, babies, and parenthood or even just talking about names. Some of the sweetest moments in my pregnancy was sharing it with Eric. He was so sweet and supportive and took such good care of me. And sharing that excitement of having a baby, of starting a family, of moving on to the next stage of life with my husband only brought us closer. We were constantly learning new things about each other and it makes that childless part of our marriage seem like the childhood of our marriage. I'm not saying our marriage is in puberty now, just that like childhood is full of innocence and wonder, so was our marriage. And sure, growing up isn't a painless process but it's also very fun and full of growth.

I think I'll save the remaining answers to her question for later posts, lest this one get too long and unwieldy. Since pregnancy is different for everyone, I invite you all to respond with your thoughts about what I've said, agreement, dissent, and insights.

Take Time to Blog

Did you know that it can take twenty minutes to scrap ice off a car before it's drivable? At least in Minnesota. I know we never quite make it to church on time but the forces really are conspiring against us here! That's how my morning started. I use the word "morning" lightly, of course, because it was nearly 1:00 pm. It seems like we've been going all day and I've been grumpy all day. And before it gets too late and while my baby is still sleeping...

(she looks like this, yes she usually sleeps on her side:)
...I wanted to slow down for a minute and think about why.

I used to love Sundays. I used to be able to wrap myself up in the feeling of the Sabbath, of a day away from and above the daily grind. Now it seems I'm chained to the trenches. Guess that's Mommylife, eh? I really thought I'd adapt faster than I have to this whole Mommy thing. But then, I frequently overestimate myself (My sister reminded me of this just tonight, Eric thinks it's a family trait owing to our over-developed work ethic. I think it's a mutation of American Exceptionalism). I guess it's better than underestimating, at least it provides lots of lessons in humility. So where is all this evaluative introspection leading? New Year's Resolutions, baby! I figure if I blog about it, I'll be more accountable.

1. Take Time to Be Holy
This is actually a song that the church choir I helped direct back at BYU sang. I didn't choose it and hadn't heard it before, but it's one of my favorites. It's one of the rare times when I have fallen in love with both the music and the lyrics. And here they are:

Take time to be holy, speak oft with thy Lord;
Abide in Him always, and feed on His Word.
Make friends of God’s children, help those who are weak,
Forgetting in nothing His blessing to seek.

Take time to be holy, the world rushes on;
Spend much time in secret, with Jesus alone.
By looking to Jesus, like Him thou shalt be;
Thy friends in thy conduct His likeness shall see.

Take time to be holy, let Him be thy Guide;
And run not before Him, whatever betide.
In joy or in sorrow, still follow the Lord,
And, looking to Jesus, still trust in His Word.

Take time to be holy, be calm in thy soul,
Each thought and each motive beneath His control.
Thus led by His Spirit to fountains of love,
Thou soon shalt be fitted for service above.

I need to take the time to be holy, it doesn't happen naturally. Quite the opposite really. And I've been told this before (and did it for all of 3 days together), but I need to take at least 20 minutes everyday to feed my spirit. So this is the year where I'm not going to miss a day.

2. Take Time to Be Me.
Now it's my general belief that we as a society are far too focused on the individual. But if I learned anything from feminism it's that I have value and worth outside of home and family life. Yes, I have lots, TONS, of value within it. In fact, I believe I'm irreplaceable (there goes that exceptionalism ;-) At the same time, it's not the end. In fact, what I'm doing right now is just the beginning of the person I'm becoming. Motherhood and wifehood is this forge, this refining fire. It's "sacrifice" as Eyring describes it: SO hard but is SUCH a bargain (yes, words fail me again and all I've got left is punctuation). And while I search for new words to describe the whole "can't give from an empty bucket" metaphor, all I know is that in order to give myself freely and fully, I have to be whole. Again, I need to take at least 20 minutes everyday to feed my soul. So this is the year where I'm not going to miss a day.

Eric's New Year's Resolution is the same as that of 1.5 million other Americans--get healthy! When I got pregnant we bargained that he'd loose his belly when I did. (I'm well below my pre-pregnancy weight now...;-) But more than loosing the belly, Eric wants to find balance (no, that's not a fat joke). The belly is a symptom, not the disease.

So now we're committed. We're accountable to the internet. (Maybe now we should go private?)